[ Claire doesn't know how to feel about it either. She hadn't suggested going back at all, it was Bree, but it would be a complete lie to say her heart hadn't surged in her chest right then and there, already halfway to the past. Annabeth's question makes Claire look down which may be answer enough; for better or worse, she'd lied to Bree her entire life, and Claire faced the consequences of that. ]
No. No, she didn't know until Frank died because he forbade it. He had a condition for taking me back. [ She hated Frank for this for so long, but now it just makes her sad for herself, and for Bree, because it might've made things so much easier if she could've raised her daughter alone and peppered anecdotes about Jamie all through her life. Had Frank said yes to divorce any of the times Claire asked, she may never have been a doctor, but maybe her relationship with Bree would've been better. ]
He made me promise I would never speak of Jamie or the past ever again. Not to him, and never to Bree. He would love her and claim her as his, support us, and put me through medical school if I agreed. I asked for a divorce first, but he quickly pointed out I had nothing. After three years in the past, he had control of all the money. I never had a home of my own, I had no family and I was pregnant with nowhere to go. [ What else was she going to do? They both knew even when she asked, she couldn't refuse him. ]
He took everything I was wearing when I returned, everything in my pockets, which included little notes from Jamie, and he burned it to ash. The only thing he let me keep was Jamie's ring, and only that because it was simple silver, made out of a melted-down house key. So there was nothing. Nothing to show for what happened to me except for scars and Brianna herself.
[ And, as Bree so wonderfully pointed out, trying to tell the truth only made Claire look like a 'bored housewife who fucked another man.' Still, she's able to rally and offer Annabeth a small smile. ]
This entire story is why once happiness presented itself here—even with what I have waiting if we're ever forced to leave—I had to take it. I can't ache for something that might not ever be, or could be in two decades. Not again. It's exactly as you said, I deserve a little peace.
[ Which is easier for her to admit because Annabeth said it first. ]
[ the more claire describes frank, the more annabeth's face twists with disgust. she understands societal rules and expectations of different times, but it hardly sounds like jamie was this much of a dickhead and he was from the fucking 1700s. she is aware there could be plenty claire isn't touching on, but she will remain solid in her negative views of frank. she knows and likes claire. she doesn't care what frank was thinking with the context of everything claire has been through. ]
What an asshole.
[ she indignantly shoves another cookie in her mouth to stew on it, to settle with the smile claire offers at the end of it all in the face of the happiness she's managed to find here. it's a far cry from the more mature advice she might have offered claire in the illusion, but it's the truer annabeth version of support. she nods at the older woman's affirmation that she deserves it. ]
As peaceful as things can be in this place, I guess. There's a certain reprieve it offers, in spite of everything.
[ she once told claire she really appreciated thorne's beds, so she supposes she understands that experience of not taking the good of this place for granted. ]
figured we could probably wrap with your next tag?
[ Annabeth's assessment pulls an abrupt laugh out of Claire, a spit take if she'd had a mouthful of coffee. Luckily not, and she laughs until her side aches. ]
Truly, I've waited so long to hear someone else make that exact statement. Thank you, it feels validating in a way I can't explain.
[ She takes a deep breath that feels nice and cleansing and lets it out. ] We'll see how long the peace actually lasts. But I will say that here, I've been less afraid for myself as a woman. That alone is a reprieve from the 18th century.
[ With about half a cup of coffee left, she nods toward the back door. ] Would you like to go look now?
[ yes! she made claire laugh! that's a win! it's a good grade in making adults laugh, which is both reasonable and normal to want to achieve. ]
[ she grins, a little warmly, pleased to have made claire feel a little better too. ] Well, it's true. You're welcome.
[ she exhales a little, and opts for another semi-joke instead of dwelling on the horrors of a misogynistic past. ] Plenty of other dangers besides sexism here to contend with instead.
[ annabeth nods, draining the last of her own coffee. ] Yeah. I really wanna see what it normally looks like.
[ she's still just happy claire wants her around. it feels nice. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omfg i swear this is the last essay 😭
No. No, she didn't know until Frank died because he forbade it. He had a condition for taking me back. [ She hated Frank for this for so long, but now it just makes her sad for herself, and for Bree, because it might've made things so much easier if she could've raised her daughter alone and peppered anecdotes about Jamie all through her life. Had Frank said yes to divorce any of the times Claire asked, she may never have been a doctor, but maybe her relationship with Bree would've been better. ]
He made me promise I would never speak of Jamie or the past ever again. Not to him, and never to Bree. He would love her and claim her as his, support us, and put me through medical school if I agreed. I asked for a divorce first, but he quickly pointed out I had nothing. After three years in the past, he had control of all the money. I never had a home of my own, I had no family and I was pregnant with nowhere to go. [ What else was she going to do? They both knew even when she asked, she couldn't refuse him. ]
He took everything I was wearing when I returned, everything in my pockets, which included little notes from Jamie, and he burned it to ash. The only thing he let me keep was Jamie's ring, and only that because it was simple silver, made out of a melted-down house key. So there was nothing. Nothing to show for what happened to me except for scars and Brianna herself.
[ And, as Bree so wonderfully pointed out, trying to tell the truth only made Claire look like a 'bored housewife who fucked another man.' Still, she's able to rally and offer Annabeth a small smile. ]
This entire story is why once happiness presented itself here—even with what I have waiting if we're ever forced to leave—I had to take it. I can't ache for something that might not ever be, or could be in two decades. Not again. It's exactly as you said, I deserve a little peace.
[ Which is easier for her to admit because Annabeth said it first. ]
pls i love it
What an asshole.
[ she indignantly shoves another cookie in her mouth to stew on it, to settle with the smile claire offers at the end of it all in the face of the happiness she's managed to find here. it's a far cry from the more mature advice she might have offered claire in the illusion, but it's the truer annabeth version of support. she nods at the older woman's affirmation that she deserves it. ]
As peaceful as things can be in this place, I guess. There's a certain reprieve it offers, in spite of everything.
[ she once told claire she really appreciated thorne's beds, so she supposes she understands that experience of not taking the good of this place for granted. ]
figured we could probably wrap with your next tag?
Truly, I've waited so long to hear someone else make that exact statement. Thank you, it feels validating in a way I can't explain.
[ She takes a deep breath that feels nice and cleansing and lets it out. ] We'll see how long the peace actually lasts. But I will say that here, I've been less afraid for myself as a woman. That alone is a reprieve from the 18th century.
[ With about half a cup of coffee left, she nods toward the back door. ] Would you like to go look now?
5 years later, yes 🎀
[ she grins, a little warmly, pleased to have made claire feel a little better too. ] Well, it's true. You're welcome.
[ she exhales a little, and opts for another semi-joke instead of dwelling on the horrors of a misogynistic past. ] Plenty of other dangers besides sexism here to contend with instead.
[ annabeth nods, draining the last of her own coffee. ] Yeah. I really wanna see what it normally looks like.
[ she's still just happy claire wants her around. it feels nice. ]