[ Claire's smile falters just a little; it's impossible not to think of Culloden, of Jamie detouring to take her back to the stones against her will, and her desperate hope once she realized, that this time he would hear them, that he would come back with her. ]
He couldn't. He touched the rock and it was just a rock. But christ, I hoped. I hoped all the way to the stones something would happen. [ She gives a slow shrug of her shoulders, because she has no answers for that. ] We'd been at war, one I already knew Scotland would lose. I tried to change history, like a fool, but of course, I failed. History is history. [ Claire closes her eyes, remembers how hollowed out she felt the moment she woke up alone in the future, no sounds of cannon fire around her, no Jamie. Just the distant sound of traffic and a parting gift from her husband. ] I was pregnant, and we'd already lost one child. I had to go. I had to.
[ Her voice comes with a slight waver; it feels like an abrupt end to the story, she knows it. But even now, she can't go into some details despite knowing they're all together in the future past, her entire family, at least for a little while. The way she felt then, as if she were in a black hole of grief she could never quite pull herself all the way out of, it's too emotional to remember for long. ]
I don't—[ She clears her throat and wets her lips. ]—I don't talk about that part much. The leaving. Mostly because I ended up going back twenty years later, after Frank died and I realized Jamie survived the battle. It's easier to skip ahead, sometimes.
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He couldn't. He touched the rock and it was just a rock. But christ, I hoped. I hoped all the way to the stones something would happen. [ She gives a slow shrug of her shoulders, because she has no answers for that. ] We'd been at war, one I already knew Scotland would lose. I tried to change history, like a fool, but of course, I failed. History is history. [ Claire closes her eyes, remembers how hollowed out she felt the moment she woke up alone in the future, no sounds of cannon fire around her, no Jamie. Just the distant sound of traffic and a parting gift from her husband. ] I was pregnant, and we'd already lost one child. I had to go. I had to.
[ Her voice comes with a slight waver; it feels like an abrupt end to the story, she knows it. But even now, she can't go into some details despite knowing they're all together in the
futurepast, her entire family, at least for a little while. The way she felt then, as if she were in a black hole of grief she could never quite pull herself all the way out of, it's too emotional to remember for long. ]I don't—[ She clears her throat and wets her lips. ]—I don't talk about that part much. The leaving. Mostly because I ended up going back twenty years later, after Frank died and I realized Jamie survived the battle. It's easier to skip ahead, sometimes.